Friday, January 30, 2009

Funny News Stories and Headlines

Bruce's Aunt Dessie sent this to me and I thought they were funny so I decided to share 'em with ya.

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Question of the Day
Q: What constitutes a millionaire?
A: A millionaire is someone who has $1 million, according to Jerry Beto, branch manager and senior vice president of investments at AG Edwards and Sons.

A deputy responded to a report of a vehicle stopping at mail boxes. It was the mailman.

Army Vehicle Disappears: An Austrailian Army vehicle worth $74,000 has gone missing after being painted with camouflage.

Theft: A woman in the 1900 block of 129th Lane Northeast reported Oct 15 that someone must have stolen her mail, because she did not receive birthday cards from some of her friends.

Fish Need Water, Feds Say

Alton Attorney Accidentally Sues Himself

County to Pay $250,000 to Advertise Lack of Funds

Caskets Found as Workers Demolish Mausoleum

Utah Poison Control Center Reminds Everyone Not To Take Poison

Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons

Caller reports hitting intruder in the head with an axe. Notes that intruder "was in the mirror."

A man came to the Sheriff's Department to "find out how to legally kill" a person who was harassing him.

A caller reported at 7:14 pm that someone was on a porch yelling "help" from a residence on Bank Street. Officers responded and learned the person was calling a cat that is named "Help."

An Edgewood man reported recently that his wife had gone missing some 18 months ago.

FULL SIZE Mattress. Royal Tonic, 20 year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell. $40.

For Sale: collection of old people.

Nissan Maxima, green, leather, loaded, CD, auto start, sunroof, 4-door, good condition, $4500. Not for sale.

TOMBSTONE: Standard gray. A good buy for someone named Grady.

Police checked the area and found an open door in the back of the building. An officer went inside and called out, "Marco."
Police found the suspect after he responded, "Polo."