Saturday, June 12, 2010

No Excuses Allowed!

Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
I Samuel 18:14 "And David behaved himself wisely in all his ways; and the LORD was with him."

Two simple verses to go along with something that has been on my heart recently. I've been doing a lot of blog reading on raising godly daughters and this subject matter, in particular, is something that I have thought about for a very long time! And so you have become the fortunate reader to hear my little thimble full of thoughts on the subject. ha!

The verse in Proverbs above is so clear and so plain. There is no reason for a parent to misunderstand that we are told to TRAIN our children. I am always amazed by parents who say they do not believe in discipline or rules when raising their children because children need to be who they are. Really? If we were all left to be who we are, we would literally be a world of reprobates. We are all born with a sin nature and must learn from birth how to behave ourselves wisely, as David did in I Samuel.

Besides teaching our children about God and how He sent His Son to die for us at Calvary and the importance of salvation in their lives, training our children to behave themselves wisely is one of the most important things we can do as a parent.

That being said, this post is not necessarily about training our sons, but more so our daughters. Although, biblically, you can use this for both, I am primarily speaking of our daughters. Boys have way less drama in their lives than girls do. At least this is what I've noticed, having two boys and a girl.

When my children were younger, they would cry when they were tired. I knew how they felt. I understood. But they were never allowed to scream and pitch a fit because of it. They were never allowed to be mean and ugly to others because of it. The rule was, if you are tired then go to sleep. If you don't want to sleep, then sit there and be quiet. There was never a time when rude behavior because of tiredness was allowed. I did not care if they were nine months old or nine years old, they would behave themselves wisely and learn that being tired was a part of life and they needed to learn how to deal with it. As they grew older between the ages of, oh say, 8 and 13, if they were tired they didn't break into tears and fits. They went straight to their beds and went to sleep. And if they did not do that, they still kept a pleasant and respectful mood. It has always been shocking to me to see a girl around these ages act this way and their mother make excuses for them. "They're tired..." "They stayed up too late last night..", etc...

As our daughters grow and become teenagers there is more drama that happens than I EVER remember as a teenager. I guess because my mom never allowed drama to enter the house. If I couldn't get along with friends, then I just didn't have friends. LOL And that's the way it is here too. NO DRAMA ALLOWED! Drama is for the stage...not real life.

I have seen some pretty shocking behavior out of teenage girls. Some of it is just ridiculous. And trouble follows these girls everywhere they go. You know why? Because drama is allowed. They have a dad who has no earthly clue what is going on and a mother that ignores her daughter's behavior over the behavior of others. There is not an authority figure in their lives that are saying, "Hey, we don't behave this way. You treat everyone with love and respect." Instead, mothers would rather be friends and take pity on their poor daughter who has been betrayed and hurt. And let me just say, it is ok to help your daughter through these times of being betrayed and hurt, but do not excuse any of their behavior and part in it. God does not hold us responsible for the training of other people's children. But God most definitely holds us responsible for the training of our OWN children.

You've heard the saying, There's two sides to every story. Guess's true. I hate to break it to you, but your daughter is not perfect. She is flesh and bone just like everyone else. She needs to be taught that not everything is about her. She is not the center of the universe. She is not the perfect, wonderful child you think she is. She is a beautiful girl, wrapped in human nature.

As mothers, we have a responsibility to train our daughters to behave themselves wisely. We do not need to make excuses for them. I read something the other day that made me stop and think...our daughters will be raising our granddaughters, who will be raising our great granddaughters. What will they be like? Will we have trained our daughters to behave themselves wisely enough to train their own daughters, who will in turn train their daughters?

Yes, it is human nature for our daughters to have drama. As females, we are emotional creatures. That is the way God made us. But we do not have to allow the drama in our homes. If we begin training them to behave themselves wisely when they are very small, we won't have to worry that much about the drama that comes later in their teens. Instead, when those situations arise, we can sit down and talk about what God has to say about it and move on. No excuses allowed!