Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Veni, Vidi, Vici

I came, I saw, I conquered.

My brother in law had this posted on his facebook status. When I asked him what brought on that quote he said nothing, really, it just popped into his head. Little did either of us know that this Latin quote, added to the sermon I heard tonight at church would be a remedy for my heart sick self.

Here I am in a new year and what will it bring? A Valentine's Day where my dad will not show up on my front porch with a little box of chocolates or a card the size of a poster board. Birthday parties where my dad will no longer take part in the smiles and laughter of the celebration. The grill that my dad would fire up for patriotic celebrations or other parties will go unlit. My children will not receive a call from my dad to run to Grover for gas and an RC cola. This is how I am seeing my new year.

Right now I'm still trying to conquer everything that happened last year. More precisely, everything that happened between October first and October fifth, when my personal hero went home to be with Jesus. Has it only been three months? It seems like an eternity since I heard his voice.

My heart breaks new every morning. Tears fall off and on through the days. Sometimes when I least expect it I will find myself wiping tears. Sometimes they fall with no warning and sometimes with an uncontrollable sting, giving warning of their presence.

But it's all good. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Someone mentioned to me not long ago that tears are God's way of helping to wash the pain away. If that is true, I have many tears that have not yet fallen.

For the most part, my heart is at peace knowing where my dad is and that the legacy he left behind will touch lives for a very long time. But for the other part...the lesser part, if you heart aches beyond what any words can describe.

I feel that I have shut down some of my emotion. I find myself quieter than usual these days. More contemplative.

I want to come into the year, 2011, and see the many opportunities the Lord has in store for me, both physically and spiritually. And I want to conquer the pain that has taken up residence in the very depths of my heart.

But how?

Brother Johnny preached tonight and the verses he used were not just for the sermon he preached, but for what I have been going through. And Christ used those verses to open my eyes to get through this coming year and to conquer. I was raised in a Christian home. I know I must lean on the Savior. But sometimes when we are in the darkest valley, we need to be reminded how to get through that dark and lonely valley.

Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." I can face each new day knowing that God is walking in front of me. He created my valley and He knows the way out. All I have to do is follow Him. And as we walk through the valley together, He will continually fill me up with His strength. I can not walk it without Him.

Romans 8:37, " all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us." God loved me long before my daddy did. And, though it almost seems impossible for me to believe, God truly does love me more than my daddy ever did. And because of that love for me, I can conquer this pain I feel and triumphantly rise to the very top of the mountain that overshadows this valley. My valley.

Sometime in 2011, I will be able to say, "I came, I saw, I the grace of God!"