Sunday came quite early for me. I did not sleep most of Saturday night. I wanted to go to church but was dreading the sorrowful looks, the questions, and yes, even the hugs. I thought maybe I could come in discreetly. Hide somewhere and come into the service late. But it just did not work out that way. And that is OK because people were grieving just like me. They were his friends. They were his family. They were hurting too. The family of God had lost one of their precious own. It was time to begin healing together.
I can not say that I remember what the service was about. I just remember it being over and the next hurdle was now in sight. We would be on our way to the funeral home to make arrangements.
Mom and Aunt Janice, John and Jenny, and Bruce and I sat down with Tammy, the funeral director, and discussed all the details. The obituary, the picture CD, the memorial book markers, etc. Once again it seemed as though everything was running together. I was trying to keep a strong head and focus, but the time seemed to be flying again. I felt as though my brain and my body could not keep up with each other. And to beat all, I was given an assignment. A few, actually. Finding a picture for the obituary, retrieving daddy's discharge papers, and finding fifty pictures for the CD that would be played while we were receiving friends. Fifty pictures? Really? How do you choose just fifty when all of them remind you of a happy moment?
We rushed home and I found the picture for the obituary, made a list of music for Mrs. Janet to copy to a CD for me for the DVD, and then off to church again. The evening service was sweet. I still can not tell you what all was said and done, but I do remember people praying for me and with me.
When I got home I started looking for the fifty pictures. Should be easy enough, right? Nope. I became a nervous wreck when I realized that all of my pictures included daddy by himself, or with me and my children and mom. Where the pictures with my nieces and nephews? My sister in law? My Aunt? His friends? Where were they all? My task had suddenly taken a different avenue and there were road blocks along the way. I tried my best to get in touch with my brother for pictures he might have. But to no avail. I felt myself becoming increasingly agitated. Bruce helped me to find some good ones and I was so happy. It was 2:00 am when we finally had things together for the funeral home.
I'll admit I was feeling a little snippy by the time we were finished. Bruce, however, kept a sweet spirit about him. He's been wonderful through all of this. I'm so glad God blessed me with such a sweet and loving husband.
When I turned in for the next few hours of sleep, I prayed for my family and for myself. I slipped my earphones in, put my iPod on repeat, and listened to He Gives Grace until I finally fell asleep. I can not explain the comfort these words have given me each night since my daddy's passing. A constant reminder that God can, and has, and will continue, to give me grace through this.
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Sometimes problems seem so big
they hide the light of day
Sometimes pain cuts so deep
I can't find the words to pray
Sometimes heartache seems to be
much more than I can stand
That's when grace seems to take me
by the hand
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He gives grace, in the midst of every storm
God gives grace, that carries the weary and worn
He's everything we ever need, for everything we face
So remember, when it seems you can't go on,
God gives grace
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I know every pain I feel,
becomes His very own
God knows the weakness of my heart
that I can't make it all alone
For He knows what I can handle
and he never gives me more
When my strength comes to its end,
he has more grace in store
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~~~~~~~~
He gives grace, in the midst of every storm
God gives grace, that carries the weary and worn
He's everything we ever need for everything we face
so remember when it seems you can't go on, God gives grace
~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~
Grace will help you stand, when problems seem so tall
And grace will pick you up every time you fall
~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~
He gives grace, in the midst of every storm
God gives grace, that carries the weary and worn
He's everything we ever need, for everything we face,
so remember when it seems you can't go on,
God gives grace
~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~
Just remember, when it seems you can't go on,
God gives grace
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